Usually I congratulate you, dear reader, for making to the end of another week. But this Friday falls on the 13th day of the month, and that means terrible things could happen. So, remember: avoid black cats, walking under ladders, breaking mirrors, and Jason.
And since you're trying not to freak out because Friday the 13th is bad, here's some distraction in the form of the top 5 stories from... The Week in Geek!
IS MARK ZUCKERBERG AN ANDROID
Okay. Look. Is this a serious story? No. But, it's been a stressful week, politically, and any opportunity to laugh at how extreme things are is one I think we should all celebrate if only for the sake of our collective sanity.
And so, as Facebook CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, was brought before the Congress of these United States of America in order to understand how social media is impacting our lives (and stealing our sensitive information), there was a need FOR emotional release. That release took the form of a question. We saw how stiff Zuckerberg was at the hearing and (thanks to EvanoftheYukon) all thought the same (reasonable) thing:
Is Mark Zuckerberg a ROBOT?!
No. He's not. But this meme of him as Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation is hilarious. Also, if I were a bald space captain who got turned into a robot, I now know who I'd go to for the assist. Watch out, though — I hear Mark's got an evil twin. And also one idiot twin from a bad movie that nobody likes.
LUKE AND LEIA REALIZATIONS
From Star Trek to Star Wars, there was another major social media moment this week when somebody realized the parallels between the beginning and end of Luke and Leia's story together.
You remember the first time Luke sees Leia? It's through a projection. R2D2 accidentally shows Luke Leia's plea for help. That's where these two sibling's shared story really begins.
And likewise, at the end of The Last Jedi, Luke uses the Force to send Leia a projection fo himself ostensibly to be the help she asked for so many years ago.
And considering how Mark Hamill himself has said he "doesn't care" about returning as Luke, mostly because his heart hurts too much after Carrie Fisher's passing, it's not surprising that basically everyone is crying over this latest revelation. Hamill says he can't even watch his final scene with Fisher, and realizing this heartbreaking parallel makes it feel almost impossible for anyone to get through this moment without sobbing.
THE ROCK RAMPAGES BACK TO THEATERS
Hey. Do you like the Rock? Do you like video games? Do you like the idea of the Rock being in a movie tangentially related to video games?
Then you'll love Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.
In related news: Rampage came out this weekend, which is a movie based on the video game where giant monsters destroy buildings and eat people in cities across the country. I wouldn't say it is setting the critical world on fire, but, in my humble opinion, it's very dumb and fun and almost all movies The Rock is in at this point are worth seeing.
No, there aren't humans turning into monsters like in the original game. And, yes, director, Uwe Boll, is convinced he can sue because he also made a movie called Rampage (he's wrong). But what really matters is that Rampage is, at its heart, a movie about a man and his giant gorilla, getting into scrapes and saving the day.
Also? The villains are two very rich, very evil but also very idiotic brother and sister team. So if you wanted to see Eric and Ivanka Trump get some vaguely representative comeuppence in the form of giant, CGI monsters... Rampage is definitely worth your time. That's all I'm gonna say.
WESTWORLD GOES FULL TROLL
You know how people get insanely obsessed with the mysteries of TV shows? And then how they go onto to Reddit and other forums to try and work out where the story is going before it gets there?
Well, some might say that's a kind of spoiler. Not me. But some people! And, during a Reddit AMA, it seemed as though Westworld showrunners, Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy agreed.
In fact, they claimed to be so concerned about Westworld's second season being spoiled that they were going to... spoil it themselves?
Yup. Nolan claimed that they would release a video that would just give up the whole thing. That way, if you wanted to know — you got it. But if you don't? You know exactly what to avoid.
This... literally makes no sense at all. So, if you were scratching your head and wondering if Nolan and Joy have lost their collective minds, worry not: the truth is right here.
The supposed video is already released and features Westworld star, Evan Rachel Wood literally singing ultimate troll song "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Oh, and the rest of the video is just a dog chilling in front of a piano.
Yeah. It's been a weird week.
STATHAM STEALS FROM SYFY
I bet you thought the big trailer news would've been Solo: A Star Wars Story. Or maybe you thought I'd talk about Jessica Jones being renewed? Nope! There's one obvious, best trailer this week and that is for Jason Statham's new shark movie, The Meg.
And while most people are out here talking about how this movie, where an enormous, prehistoric shark shows up to menace a beach town, is like a high-octane Jaws, I can't help but state the truth — big budget movies are finally catching up with SYFY.
You know how many Sharknado movies there are about to be total? SIX. Plus, there's Ghost Shark and several movies where sharks have multiple heads. So SYFY is the spot for unrealistic shark depiction enthusiasts and has been for many a Shark Week.
That being said, the trailer for The Meg is amazing and it feels like every person I speak with is ready to watch The Meg ASAP.
Hey. If you like that? I got some Lavalantulas you might want to check out, too. Just sayin'.
And that's your week! You did it! Now you just have to avoid the dude with the hockey mask and the machete for a little while and you're home free.
What were the biggest geek stories of your week? Are you seeing Rampage? And, by the way, what's up with all the giant monster movies right now? That's kinda weird, right? Seriously, there's giant monsters in everything these days. Well, that, and mermaids. But that's a story for another week.