You did it. Another week has been crushed by your vise-like grip. Good for you and your absolute power! Who says it corrupts? Not me, but that's mostly because I'm very scared of you and your week-destroying ways.
And to appease your mighty needs, here they are: the 5 biggest stories from... The Week in Geek!
SOLO HAS A STORY. A STAR WARS STORY
Hey, remember when Opie took over that young Han Solo movie from the Lego Movie guys? Well, it's out! It's got a 70 percent "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing, too.
On the money front, Solo: A Star Wars Story is hoping it will topple the previous four-day Memorial Day weekend record set by Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which made just shy of $140 million.
Solo is a kind of heist movie. Solo, the movie, is trying to pull a bit of a heist on old Jack Sparrow and steal his box-office crown. Lando sometimes refers to Han as a pirate. Oh, what a wonderful meta-narrative we're living in.
Related: There's a lot of meta-text in Solo: A Star Wars Story. So I hope you like tons of references to other movies, I guess!
BOBA FETT: ANOTHER STAR WARS STORY
Well, that was quick. Solo just showed up to the party and already Boba's out here with his Vette taking up space. James Mangold, director of Logan and other movies that are good, is being tapped to bring the story of everyone's at-least-third-favorite Star Wars bounty hunter to life (hey, I love IG-88 best).
Yes, at long last you'll find out more about Boba other than him getting eaten by a desert mouth, the very little we know about him from the prequel trilogy, and that Holiday Special that didn't actually happen.
JAKEY G TO BRING THE MYSTERY
I know you are all so convinced that Spider-Man is totally 100 percent definitely dead because Thanos wore a glove. #WellActually, Spider-Man still has more stories to tell. He's a hero gosh darn it, and also his movies make lots of money, which Sony and Disney like.
And so, with the Spider-Man: Homecoming sequel on the distant horizon, talk has turned to its inevitable villain. And that villain will, allegedly, be Mysterio. And Mysterio will, allegedly, be played by Jake Gyllenhaal.
I know what you're thinking: Didn't Jake already play Nightcrawler? That's a joke. The Nightcrawler movie wasn't about Nightcrawler at all, and I'm still not over it!
Anyway, Gyllenhaal feels like a good fit for a role that basically boils down to "evil magician with a bowl on his head." I believe in you, Jakey. You have the pedigree to handle the depth of such a challenging role.
COMCAST'S FOXY SNEAK ATTACK ON DISNEY
Hey. Remember how Disney was going to buy up all the Fox properties, including the X-Men and Fantastic Four? Well, it turns out that there might be a serious interloper turning up at the 11th hour. And that interloper is Comcast.
The word is that Disney has been offering stock in exchange for Fox's properties, whereas, alternatively, Comcast is offering cold, hard cash.
On the one hand, no Disney/Fox merger means no Avengers/X-Men crossover. On the other hand, Comcast is probably more likely to let those Fox properties continue to play with the superhero formula in the successful way they have been the last few years. Pure conjecture, but another R-rated Deadpool feels a lot more likely to me in Comcast's hands than Disney's.
But then Wolverine and Black Panther won't get to hang out. It's a conundrum that can only be solved with an insane amount of money.
WHO WILL WATCH THE HBO WATCHMEN THAT IS NOT ABOUT THE WATCHMEN
What a weird week for Watchmen. Damon Lindelof shared a long letter on Instagram about his passion and direct connection to Alan Moore's original story.
We also learned more about how this series won't be an adaptation of that story. It will be a sequel. But not really a sequel. It will be a modern retelling? Or is it? Lindelof is keeping it vague, basically.
Even the casting is vague. We know that Regina King, Don Johnson, Tim Blake Nelson, Louis Gossett Jr., Adelaide Clemens, and Andrew Howard will all be a part of the new series, but we don't know for sure who they'll be playing. Supposedly King will play Angela Abraham and Gossett is "Old Man." Andrew Howard is rumored to be playing Red Scare. But none of this is confirmed — we just know these actors are involved.
For all we know, there are more lead actors that have been cast and we still don't know about them.
Regardless, whenever someone messes with Watchmen, people get flustered. Zack Snyder's Watchmen was heavily judged, same re: Before Watchmen, and people are very nervous about bringing Watchmen into the DC Universe proper, too. Alan Moore himself is probably flapping his coat down the street like a damned bat out of hell just knowing I'm typing about the subject right now. It's controversial is what I'm saying.
And that's it. Your week in geek. What do you think of those stories, and what were the biggest stories for you?