No, because you only ever think of yourself!
Author Laura Kate Dale is looking to change all that with her upcoming coffee table book, Things I Learned from Mario's Butt: A Series of Gaming Butt Critiques, currently raising money on Unbound. Trust us when we say that this book makes that Mario\nipple affair look like a 10-year-old's birthday party.
"I started writing about butts nearly four years ago, initially as a joke, but ended up coming to really enjoy the overlap of serious critique and lighthearted subject material provided by butt reviews," Dale told SYFY WIRE via email
While the publication is still being developed, Dale already has entries on Luigi (Super Mario Bros.), Miranda (Mass Effect), Skull Kid (Majora's Mask), Tracer (Overwatch), and Ellie (Borderlands 2). In each, the author explains why Luigi's cheeks are better in a fight than his brother's or how Miranda's booty conveys her bodily perfection.
"Probably the weirdest thing I Learned during research for the book was that in Mass Effect, Uranus would be deceptively easy to probe," Dale added. "People hear the term 'ice giant' and assume Shepard would have to really bash the probe in forcefully, but ice giants are actually in a state of being simultaneously liquid and gas, not a solid. So yeah, Commander Shepard wouldn’t have any trouble probing Uranus."
You can't make this stuff up, folks!
The final book will consist of 40,000 words, detailed artwork by Zack Flavin, and interviews with actual game designers behind the most recognizable posteriors in video game history. Aside from those five characters we just mentioned, prepare yourself for sections on Mario, Donkey Kong, Sheik, Ganondorf, Solid Snake, Master Chief and more.
In other words, this is one read that will please both gamers and those who like big virtual butts and cannot lie.
Head on down to the media gallery below for a further look at this bizarrely amazing project...