The year is 2032 and Taco Bell has won the fast food wars. So on Saturday night after a long day at San Diego Comic-Con, we stopped by to grab a bite to eat. In 2032, people line up for hours to get Taco Bell. Once inside, it's obvious why.
Before we enter, of course, it's obvious that the future is going to take some getting used to. Just lining up outside we ended up with two different Morality Violations and had to recall that in the future everything from swearing to spicy foods are outlawed. Thankfully, inside the restaurant, they've suspended most laws for the evening to assist with the transition.
Naturally, before you start a large meal, the very first thing one must do is head to the bathroom. Our knowledge of the future did prepare us for what was to come on the other side of that door, and we steeled ourselves for the long process of figuring out just how to use the Three Seashells. Thankfully, but also disappointingly, while the Three Seashells were there, they were out of order. We do not want to know what happened to put them out of order, but here we were, 2032 and having to resort to TOILET PAPER. Oh, the humanity.Since Pepsi won the soda wars, these sugary Mountain Dew drinks are THE BEST way to start your Taco Bell experience. They're non-alcoholic but still have enough sugar to make you wanna party like it's 2032.
Finally, we're able to grab some food. But this isn't the Taco Bell you may remember from way back in 2018. No, 2032 Taco Bell is LEGIT. There are four courses of food including an appetizer and a dessert.
Course One: Joy Joy Hors D'oeuvre
In the future, Taco Bell food is tiny and served on a plate which doubles as a mirror so you can watch yourself consume miniature foods. The problem with miniature food is that it makes you feel like you have giant hands. In the future, you only eat with your hands, so giant hands are basically like plates. Ok, so maybe giant hands are not a problem. We rescind that statement. We're willing to admit when we're wrong. Tiny food is awesome. This giant ball of corn is coming back to 2018 with us.
Course Two: Crunchwrap Supreme Leader
In the future, crunch wraps are less crunchy and more like slightly fancy tacos, but look, we're not complaining. Time travel can make you hungry and we don't know if it was the hunger or that this was actually amazing, but the steak crunch wrap (not pictured) really hit the spot. The hexagonal cheese, while slightly off-putting was satisfactorily cheese-like, and even the tomatoes were better than their 2018 versions.
Course Three: Franchise Freedom Fries
Nacho Cheese Fries remain some of the greatest things ever invented, even in 2032, but how do you make them better? You put them in a shiny bowl INSIDE another shiny bowl. Cheesy fries, sprinkled in more cheese, with a tiny bowl of nacho cheese ready for dunking. Cheese is the future. Take us there.
Course Four: Cinnamon Helix Confection
These cinnamon helix confection perfections sit pillowed on a tuffet of aerated flan and were topped with grated strawberry. In the future, they don't cut the tops of our mouths. In the future, the cinnamon & sugar doesn't fall off and coat your pants. Our only complaint was that we'd eaten three courses already and didn't have enough room in our stomachs for all these helixes. Helixi? Maybe something 2032 Taco Bell should consider is starting with dessert. Shoot, does that get us a violation?
Dinner in 2032 also comes with entertainment in the form of your favorite jingles and old hits from the past, which most of the humans seemed to enjoy. Don't forget to tip your piano players. Wait, is tipping a thing in 2032?
Our trip to 2032 Taco Bell was everything we could have hoped for and more. After all, you know what they say... Be Well and Taco Bell.