Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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What would Buffy Summers do?

Contributed by
Jan 22, 2020, 5:48 PM EST (Updated)

In every generation, there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is the SLAYERRRRR.

Now that I've put that WB-era voiceover back in your head (you're welcome), it's time for us to dwell on none other than the OG Slayer herself, Buffy Anne Summers, for some incredibly helpful life advice and tips. It just so happens that the Buffster celebrated her fan-acknowledged birthday this past weekend, so the time is even more perfect to look to her life, her death (all two of them), and all the ups and downs in between.

In honor of FANGRRLtopia this month, we're looking to genre heroines who shaped us and molded us into the FANGRRLS we are today, positing what they would be doing if they existed today or any guidance they might have for approaching some of life's peskiest problems — and I don't know about you, but sometimes when I'm faced with a tricky sitch, I can't help but ask myself: What would Buffy Summers do?

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Buffy and Angel

Navigating the dating scene

There's no doubt whatsoever that the concept of modern dating as it exists today would be pretty lost on our girl Buffy. After all, her very first boyfriend (on the TV show, alright) had recently celebrated his bicentennial, and it can be hard to make the jump back to people in your own generational bracket — even more so if you have to resort to swiping on Tinder. But that just means you should hop off the dating apps and let your meet-cutes happen out in the world somewhere — like a dark alley, or a graveyard you're also patrolling for vampires! You know, regular, normal places people happen to run into each other.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

How to plan the perfect dinner party

Life is always going to be chaotic — and no one knows that more than Buffy does. You try planning a Thanksgiving for your friends while also dealing with spirits recently disturbed from their resting place and then see if you feel like throwing together a huge turkey dinner at the end of it all, especially because somebody forgot to bring the extra dinner rolls. But the truth is that the sooner you stop stressing about everything being Pinterest-perfect, the sooner you can sit down around a table with your best Scooby Gang and some guy tied to a chair and just enjoy some quality friend time.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

That part-time employee life

Sometimes, you're just going to need to jump into the hustle of working, and the gigs you take aren't necessarily going to be your favorite — but when you've got bills to take care of, you'll take whatever you can get. Unfortunately, slaying doesn't pay. So there's nothing wrong with that part-time life, whether it's slinging burgers and having to dodge some phallic-shaped demon sprouting from an old lady's head or doling out advice to wayward teens back at your old high school. Eventually, you'll find the job that fits you, even if you have to wear a few butt-ugly uniforms along the way.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

How to get over a break-up

Look, we've all been there. Some guy you thought was really into you basically just ghosted, and the next day you show up to class to see him creeping around another girl. Sometimes, the trick to getting over him is to do exactly as follows: get a little too drunk on magic beer, revert back to the cavewoman version of yourself, and whack that a-hole over the head with a thick tree branch — not enough to kill him, obviously, but maybe to give him a good-sized lump and a mild concussion. It's amazing what that'll do to cure your heartbreak.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Learning the plural of "apocalypse"

When in doubt, always bring a rocket launcher to any Big Bad fight.

(And it's "apocalypses," for the record.)

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