There are few things more satisfying than the long-awaited comeback of a much-beloved Final Girl, and when Jamie Lee Curtis returned to our movie screens as Laurie Strode in 2018's Halloween reboot-quel (essentially dispensing with any past continuity following the first film), we were beyond thrilled to catch up with a character who deserved a return to the spotlight, even as she prepared to face down her biggest foe, the sinister serial killer Michael Myers.
But in an ideal, perfect world, Laurie's life wouldn't be perpetually haunted by this masked maniac (who isn't her brother; turns out that was just some weird rumor going around for a while). So, in celebration of FANGRRLtopia this month, we're revisiting some of our favorite and most-loved female characters to theorize about how they would thrive if they didn't have to deal with some of their most pesky problems — or how they'd tackle some of the big issues going on today.
Start a self-defense school for wayward Final Girls
One of the best parts about Halloween (2018) is that it gives us a Laurie Strode who is capable and confident in her abilities. For example, she continually practices her aim with various firearms in order to make sure she's prepared for even the slightest chance that Michael Myers could stage an escape from prison. But, in a perfect world, perhaps one where all the Final Girls are connected via a shared universe, Laurie could use both her seniority and her expertise to teach the next generation how to protect themselves — a modern-day Themyscira, if you will. Jason Voorhees is SHOOKETH.
Go into business as a manufacturer of trap basements
Granted, Laurie's skills don't just extend to being able to wield a gun. She's a crafty lady, too, and nowhere is that better demonstrated than when we see the house she's living in, far off the beaten path and tricked out with varying traps designed to catch a psycho killer (qu'est-ce que c'est?). Call it paranoia if you want, but there's definitely a market for that kind of craftsmanship in this economy, and Laurie deserves the chance to earn some solid coin for her unique sets of skills.
Catch up on all the news she's missed via podcasts
Chances are Laurie had never even heard the term "podcast" before those two journalists came knocking at her door to get the scoop on her unique relationship with Michael Myers, but after they left (and uh, were subsequently and brutally murdered), maybe she got curious enough to give a show a listen for herself. She's probably not going to have much of an online presence (because her life is stressful enough without social media on top of it, amirite), but podcasts would be an easy, mellow way for her to catch up on recent events while she's soldering a spike trap.
Write a multi-generational memoir of survival with Karen and Allyson
If Halloween offers us any lesson at all, it's that the bond between family can be a strong one regardless of how many years have passed since you've, you know, actually spoken more than a handful of words to them. But by the end of the film, Laurie has managed to reconnect not just with her granddaughter Allyson but her daughter Karen too, and one of the final shots of Halloween offers us the visual of all three generations of Strode women leaning on each other for support. Given that writing can be a cathartic experience, it might help them all to share their story — and you just know it'd become a New York Times bestseller, too.
Find love with Ben Tramer
If there's anything that the Halloween queen Laurie Strode deserves most, it's a second chance at love; her life has been full of so much stress and loneliness and in our carefully crafted utopia, she'd have the chance to reunite with someone from her past. Ben Tramer was only mentioned by name as Laurie's crush in the first film, and we won't talk about what happened in Halloween II since that's not technically canon anymore. But maybe he's harbored a love for her all these years, and now would be the perfect time for them to reunite and settle down for their own happily ever after. One can dream.