American Horror Story: Apocalypse will see the return of seven witches from the iconic third season, Coven, and this FANGRRL can hardly wait.
Coven was pure fire in its brilliant showcase of women's power, wrath, and magic and it's been far too long since we've seen the likes of Madison, Misty, Cordelia, Zoe, Queenie, Myrtle and the incandescent Stevie in action.
So in anticipation of the coven's return, here is a totally subjective ranking of all the witches who will rise again in Apocalypse.
Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts)
Madison is really the worst. She is an entitled brat who only cares about herself, using her telekinetic powers to do more damage than good. She killed a director just for asking her to hit her mark. Who does that?
Yes, Madison has experienced some seriously tough times in her life (and death), and I feel for her, but she carried on lashing out and hurting pretty much everyone around her — Kyle, Misty, even her best pal Zoe by choosing not to bring her back to life.
Basically, Madison is a nasty piece of work who is lucky to be coming back in Apocalypse at all.
I said what I said.
Misty Day (Lily Rabe)
I like Misty, don’t get me wrong, but she was too much "away with the fairies" for my liking. She’s kind of the opposite end of the spectrum from Madison, who had no qualms in taking lives compared to Misty’s gift of bringing beings back. If you wrapped the two of them together into one, I’d probably like that witch a lot more.
Props to her, though, for saving Kyle’s and Myrtle’s lives though she wasn’t strong enough to save her own during the Seven Wonders. However, as she has the gift of resurgence, it’s easy to see why she’ll be back in Apocalypse — and maybe she’s the reason for the revival of many of the dead witches confirmed to appear.
Zoe Benson (Taissa Farmiga)
Zoe starts off pretty shy but after Madison murders her love Kyle and she then brings him back to life like Frankenstein’s Fratboy, her attitude starts to change. The wilting flower is replaced by an assertive and badass witch who brings her crew together to fend off their enemies. Though she proves to be pretty powerful, and has a knack for casting spells, she does make the error of bringing back The Axeman.
The most eye-rolling thing about her character, however, is her need to be loved by a boy. She arrives at Miss Robichaux’s after causing her boyfriend to have a brain aneurysm and die during sex. Her personal hell is Kyle breaking up with her.
Seriously, Zoe? Get a bloody grip. Is it really any wonder she didn’t end up becoming Supreme?
Stevie Nicks (Stevie Nicks)
It’s flipping Steve Nicks, people. She sings "Rhiannon." She sings "Seven Wonders." She’s the goddamn White Witch. Need I say any more?
Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson)
Cordelia Foxx started off as a bit of a wet blanket but after the acid attack that blinded her, she was a changed woman. No longer playing the ignorant wife of a philanderer husband, she steps out of both his and her mother's shadows to become the witch she was always supposed to be.
She even gouged her eyes out to get back the Sight in order to be the best defender of the coven, and after completing the Seven Wonders she took her mother's place as Supreme. Although she wouldn't have been my first choice for the role, Cordelia is a worthy bearer of the title and is probably now, going into Apocalypse, more supremely powerful than ever.
Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy)
Not only is Myrtle the best-dressed witch of the show, with the most magnificent hair, she's also the one you can count on to do right. That is, if you haven't f*cked with her coven. She sees through your lies and is willing to put it all on the line to keep her sisters safe.
Fiona might be phenomenal in a Machiavellian way, but Myrtle is not intimidated by it and proved she was a woman to love when she practically raised Cordelia after she was abandoned by her mother at the Academy. Love her.
Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe)
Queenie is that Queen bitch, don’t @ me. She breaks the mold of what witches have historically looked like on screen, a look perpetuated by most of the other people living at Miss Robichaux’s Academy: skinny, blonde white girls reminiscent of “Sabrina the Teenage Cracker.” It’s those powerful clapbacks and one-liners that make Queenie indomitable when she gets into it with others, especially Madison. I honestly wish she had eaten her, but really, what makes her stand out is her fiery refusal to be sidelined.
Queenie is a voodoo priestess as well as a descendant of Tituba, one of the original Salem witches, who didn’t have it easy growing up in inner-city Detroit. When faced with the racist bigot Madame LaLaurie, she tries to rehabilitate her prejudicial attitude and throughout the series, her powers continue to even though she was dead and brought back by Fiona.
Queenie has also saved more than a few people’s lives too — including Misty Day from being entombed — and delivered the funniest line in AHS: Hotel when Ramona wants to drink her blood: "I ain't nobody's protein shake, bitch!" I hope her return in Apocalypse sees her slay harder than ever.
Never change, Queenie.