How Hot Was #WayHaught: Season 3, Episode 5
Aside from the all of the demon-slaying, witty one-liners, and everyone's favorite doughnut-scarfing-crazy-chick-with-a-gun, Wynonna Earp Seasons 1 and 2 introduced us Wayhaught: the burgeoning relationship of Waverly and Nicole. There have been ups (the in flagrante pre-coital lift from 203. swayt jaysus) and there have been downs (Rosita in a hot tub. why hast thou forsaken us), but like any amazing rollercoaster we're screaming and shouting the whole way through.
In celebration of all things #WayHaught, we're going to chronicle their budding relationship in our continuing weekly series. We will answer the fundamental question that will be on your mind every Friday: How Hot Was WayHaught? Think of it like an episode recap, with pictures, and gifs, and all things #Wayhaught.
Episode 5 saw the emergence of a real cookie monster, some Wynonna - Mama Earp bonding, and the 3 single worst minutes of television since the hot tub that must not be named.
- Find someone who looks at you with the same fierce desire and need as Waverly looking at this delicious smurf creme cupcake. Jolene may be baking some serious mayhem into her confections, but who are we to turn down free baked goods.
- Ohhhhhhhhh, so this is your classic memory parasite situation. Jolene is injecting herself into everyone's memories and everyone remembers loving Jolene their whole lives. Waverly's reaction here is the universal "I was just bequeethed an unexpected cupcake and now I love you forever probably" face.
- Let's take a moment to acknowledge, adore, admire, obsess over Wynonna's attire. In this newfound Jolene-inspired sugary sweet world, Wynonna is keeping it most savory. For true happiness, Wynonna doesn't need Doc or Dolls. She doesn't need human romantic interest to define her self-worth; all she needs is a melty, gooey, scrumptious cheeseburger. And maybe some whiskey.
- These scenes in the barn really got to me. Not only did we find out that Michelle Earp has been living with this demon in an asylum for basically ever, but Waverly also came out to her Mama (I guess it was more like Wynonna deflecting the attention from her ancient mancrush). I think it caught Mama slightly offguard, but all in all, the Earp Matriarch handled it pretty well. Some stutters, some elevated eyebrows, but nothing admonishing or judgy.
- At first, I was totally down with a parasitic demon who forces cookies, pies and cakes down everyone's throat. I mean how harmful is that? Maybe Jolene is playing the long game: "FUFUFUFUFU!!!! After years of eating my delicious pastries, you now have .... Type II Diabetes!!!! (for real though, diabetes is no laughing matter).
- ... but making Nicole "anti-Earp"??? Not. Cool. Jolene. I did love that Nicole experiences such cognitive dissonace at calling the Earps bitches that she is able to briefly see Jolene's demon self. Such is the power of love.
- Some Mother-Daughter whiskey bonding. They both make the same face of exaltation when exposed to distilled spirits. Perfect.
- Meanwhile... over at Shorty's, Jolene is manipulating the sacred connection between sisters. Then Wynonna calls Waverly her half sister and everyone's heart shrinks to 1/3 its normal size.
- During all of the demon mayhem occuring in Purgatory, Michelle had time for an outfit upgrade and a blowout. Get. It.
- Honestly, Mama Earp slaps harder than Henry Cavill punches. Also, just breaking down this unbelievable feat of athleticism: as she completes her slap, Michelle grabs the bottle of whiskey in her follow through. It's all one smooth, thirsty motion, and it's beautiful.
With all of the horrible things happening in the world we now have window into the darkest timeline. It is one where all of the love that radiates from Nicole and Waverly suddenly dissipates and is replaced with fear and revulsion. Let us never speak of this moment again.
- "Are you even gay?!" FINALLY! The baking-induced fever dream is finally wearing thin and Nicole is here to call Jolene out on her Bulsh**.
- All is right in the world. Can you two just cuddle forever please and thank you.
VERDICT: COOLING OFF. The only thing preventing this episode from being a full on Wayhaught meltdown was the final saving cuddle at the end of the episode. More cuddles. less faux breaking up please, lest my fragile soul shrivel up and stop believing in the power of true love.