Helix: Top 13 Most Effed-Up Things About Season Two

Thursday, April 9, 2015 - 15:11

Well, here we are, at the end of the second season of Helix. It's been quite the lively tour through the island of St. Germain, filled with multi-generational incest, gunky yellow fungus, sibling rivalry, cannibalism, gas attacks, gruesome disfigurements and even a shower sex scene. Yes, Season Two deserves a hat tip for being even more bonkers crazy than Season One, bursting with bizarro twists and spectacular extremes.

On the morning of the final episode, here are the Top 13 most effed-up elements of Helix Season Two.

  1. Mycosis
    The featured virus of Season Two makes Season One's Narvik look like a mild fever. Mycosis makes you want to eat eyeballs, kill your own kids and sometimes causes your neck to explode and spurt banana pudding/yellow mist. Take your vitamins, kids!

    Mm, Banana Pudding!
    We're sorry, this video is no longer available.

     
  2. Everything With Hatake and Julia
    There are effed-up father/daughter relationships. And then there's Hatake and Julia's. Theirs involves being drugged (a lot), heart-shaped pancakes, sharing a dinner table with corpses, "therapy sessions" involving attempted poisoning and impromptu sword/axe fights in the damn woods. We could've watched an entire season of just these two bonding in the bucolic.


     
  3. The Immortaletus
    Or, "Immie," as we like to call him/her. Sarah is pregnant with a baby that won't grow any older due to being Immortal, and boy, did Immie get quite the subplot this season after he/she was removed from Sarah's body and held prisoner by crazy Amy. There was even a point where Julia and Sarah where going to put Immie inside Amy so she could become immortal herself. And some kids just go to Disneyland.


     
  4. The Rise of Eli
    We all knew Peter was a self-pitying brat with a big chip on his shoulder due to living in the shadow of his smarter, handsomer older brother since the day he was born. But it was quite surprising when this twerp went full-on homicidal, becoming "the new Michael" after being seduced and manipulated by Anne. Suddenly, he killed, defaced and dismembered all to and fro, and started obsessing over some poor baby who now has to contend with these two cuckoos for foster parents.

    Media categories:  Helix

     
  5. The Hunchback of St. Germain
    Poor Landry. All he ever wanted was for his sister Amy to love him (and give him the occasional French handshake when he was a "good boy"). He volunteered to be the guinea pig for Sarah's spinal fluid experiment that would supposedly make the recipient immortal … and, well, it didn't quite go as planned. Now horribly disfigured and mentally whacked, Landry roams the Abbey as its most striking tragic figure. Sanctuary!


     
  6. Don't Eat the Berries
    Way to ruin a funeral, Amy! The most villainous of Season Two's villains commences with her power play for control of the Abbey by having Landry pour infected honey all over everyone's berries whilst Michael sermonizes about poor Agnes (whose neck he snapped the night before). Soon, the Abbey is overrun with mycotics, rampaging and frothing about, overwhelming the CDC members and making Michael all scowly and stressed out.

    Media categories:  Helix

     
  7. The Thinning
    His island hideaway torn asunder by mycosis, conspiracy and mutiny, Michael sees no other solution than to just wipe out the current "crop" and start from scratch. His method? Mass poisoning, though death via this stuff isn't instantaneous - painful coughing and choking goes on for several minutes before everyone in the Abbey has been shuffled off this mortal coil. Oh, Michael, you madman.

    Media categories:  Helix

     
  8. The Planting Ritual
    Michael fathers daughters, then has sex with those daughters, who make more daughters, and so on and so forth for FIVE HUNDRED YEARS. He says it's so there will eventually be an Immortal offspring, but we think it's just because he likes it. Someone cut this sicko's head off.

    Media categories:  Helix

     
  9. The Vessels
    Michael enjoys gardening, astronomy, preaching … and pulling women's teeth out, impregnating them, feeding them through tubes and keeping them captive, bound and double-chained until they give birth. Someone cut this sicko's … oh, thanks, Caleb!

    Helix_gallery_201QuestionsAnswers_11.jpg
    Media categories:  Helix

     
  10. Chemical Warfare
    The Thinning looked like a rather peaceful way to go compared to what happened after poisonous gas was dropped on St. Germain by the military in an attempt to stop the virus from spreading beyond the island. Again, it wasn't quick and painless - it was long, excruciating, burning … shudder! Oh, and made all the worse by Peter watching it all with a smirk on his face, safe behind the Abbey door. Jerk.


     
  11. Mycotic Stew
    It's nice that some of those infected with mycosis have found a way to survive via the red sap from "The Bleeding Tree" and even formed their own little community in the woods. What's not so nice is their diet, which consists of human flesh … with the cherry on top being the eyeballs. Blech.


     
  12. Stinky Sommer
    Kyle went to some desperate extremes to protect himself from the aforementioned flesh-and-eyeball-eating mycotics. After discovering that they don't eat "their own," he figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and gulped down a jar of infected honey. Kyle really gets down with the sickness as Alan and the Coast Guard desperately search for the red sap from "The Bleeding Tree" to keep the disease at bay, suffering humiliating hallucinations/flashbacks to his tormented childhood. Poor Dr. Kyle!


     
  13. Julia and Balleseros
    First she cheats on Alan with Peter (huh?), and now Julia's bumpin' nasties with freakin' Balleseros, her fellow Ilaria higher-up. That's gross enough, but she also calls him "Alan" at some point pre-orgasm. Ugh. Time to try celibacy, Jules — you don't know what you're doing with this sex thing.

Enjoy the Season Two finale!