No transfat = teh suck

Contributed by
Apr 2, 2008
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OK, I've had enough.

I want my transfat back!

I was at Target recently picking up a few things, and saw that Ho Hos were on sale. Yes, the little chocolate-like log things; when I was a kid I loved them, and I still sometimes buy them so I can be a kid again for a little while (like I need an excuse). Plus, I've been a good boy: I finished my book, I've been working on the blog and the website, and doing other things that need to get done. I want to treat myself. So I buy a box.

In the car I opened the box, got out a Ho Ho, and took a big bite... and almost spat it back out. It was awful, like someone had injected it with pure suck. After a moment to overcome my shock, I reached for the box. With increasing dread, I looked over the ingredients, and there were the words I knew would be there:

"Trans fat 0g"

AIIIIIEEEEEEE!

What are companies thinking? Do they really honestly think that by removing all semblance of flavor and replacing it with -- I'm guessing here -- toe cheese, they'll be able to keep customers, just because they took out the transfat?

Piece of free advice to Hostess from an ex-customer: put the transfat back. That's what makes the Ho Hos taste good. That's why people buy them.

Sure, transfats are bad for you. But you know what? I'm buying a Ho Ho. I know I'm getting something that is not healthy for me. The same thing happens when I grab a candy bar, or a bowl of ice cream, or a piece of fried chicken. I'm not eating these because they'll give me six-pack abs, I'm eating them because they taste good.

I am really, really tired of people making my decisions for me. Kids are getting fat eating Twinkies and Ho Hos? OK then, parents, here's more free advice from another parent: stop feeding them to your kids. The Little Astronomer gets lots of healthy food in her lunch every day, plus sometimes a snack, a goodie, a treat. Three cookies, or a pudding, or some other sweet. But that's after the banana and the sandwich.

It's not all that hard. Moderation, folks. It's that simple.

Transfats are bad for you, but not if you take care. Eat good stuff, walk around a little bit, bike to the store sometimes instead of drive. That way, the occasional 4 or 5 grams of transfats won't kill you.

And to any company that takes the transfat out of their food: you can bite me. Because I won't be biting you.