Episode Recap: Look at Them Beans

When we last left our heroes, they had returned to Purgatory…18 months after they had left. That's a lot of time for what felt like 44 minutes. In any event, things have changed. For one, Shorty's has had a serious yuppie makeover and is now a health bar; also, Chrissy Nedley is putting Wynonna Earp under citizen's arrest for the murder of Sheriff Nedley. So, what's in those fresh-squeezed juices?! 

The mob in the bar carry out a kicking and screaming Wynonna and are ready to lynch her in broad daylight in the center of town. And they would have but for the arrival of the new sheriff Holt in town, who, pursuant to the "law", decrees that Wynonna will have a trial before she's hanged. And that's justice in the American legal system for you. 
Back at the homestead, a Waverly in dishabille meets a fully-clothed, kombucha-pouring Rachel Valdez, but their introduction is cut short when the makeshift alarm system goes off, and Nicole calls everyone outside to catch "the monsters". Of course, the monster this time happens to be Doc, who got caught in one of Nicole's traps (this one being a beartrap whose teeth came dangerously close to Doc's unmentionables). 

The new sheriff throws Wynonna in a high-security glass box with another prisoner, who brings her up-to-speed on the last 18 months. Basically, once all the Purgatorians left, all these monsters crawled in to take advantage of the buyer's market. 

The influx must have caused some kind of cultural renaissance, because now Purgatory has its own erotic dance bar for demons. And who's a dancer there? Mercedes, who's impersonating a vampire. And who volunteers to check out her latest act? Doc Holliday. After her set, she fills Doc in on the Nedley saga: after a few days looking after him, Nedley started to decay, and finally fled into the woods… where there were the monsters. Mercedes tells Doc where he might find some evidence of Nedley's body.

Back at the pound, Waverly has arrived to take on the role of Wynonna's attorney in the murder trial. The local magistrate Clio (sort of Real Housewives of Purgatory type) shows up too, to kind of move things along. After conferring with the new sheriff, the magistrate announces a plan to boost morale in town: all the prisoners will fight for a get-out-of-jail-free card as part of the Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-Off for Freedom at the new bougie Shorty's bar. Nicole and Waverly arrive, and they all get to cooking! Or, whatever you call what Wynonna does. Concerned for Rachel's safety, Nicole determines this is no time for a cookoff and returns to the homestead.  

Meanwhile, out in the woods hunting for Nedley, Doc stumbles upon an abandoned delivery van hauling cases of whiskey. He's in heaven. Until he's come upon by a Big Foot-esque monster composed of many different littler monsters ambling toward him. He shoots, the composite monster pursues, he shoots again, the composite monster pursues again, so Doc does what he's best at: grabs a handle of whiskey and running away. Doc leads the beast right to the homestead, and Nicole fires a shotgun at it. Are we sure that's such a good idea though? What if that ogre thing is a… hijacked Nedley?  

Back at the cookoff, against all odds, Wynonna and Waverly win! But victory comes at a steep price, as Wynonna is whisked off by plainclothesmen back to the pound. Clio plans to grant Wynonna her freedom from Purgatory — and if that doesn't work, force her out of town. Which, ultimately, she has to do. She drives Wynonna out to the border, hogties her, and sticks a blade in her leg, all to sacrifice her to and appease that ogre lording over the borderland.

Waverly arrives, and wallops the magistrate, who trips, falls, and rolls down the snowy embankment before running away again. A tussle ensues between Waverly and Clio, as the monster nears Wynonna, and Nicole and Doc arrive with reinforcements. Clio manages to escape, and the cavalry are able to catch and tie up the monster, hit him with some magic juice, and voi la! It IS Nedley! 

Back in Purgatory, Doc drops back into the demon bar, the Glory Hole, to make a deal: he'll provide protection for the delivery trucks in exchange for some cash and allyship. And back at the homestead, Nicole is having a little trouble easing her way back into her relationship with Waverly. And Chrissy, contented to know that her father is alive, drives out of Purgatory. Before she makes it over the line, she has to have her papers checked by a security agent — none other than Jeremy.