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Van Helsing
A Home: Season 2, Episode 4
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19 photos
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Love Bites: Season 2, Episode 3

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WARNING: If you don't want to know what happened in this episode, don't read this photo recap!

In case you were wondering, Sam is still completely insane. He's also definitely still collecting fingers. Also, he's singing as creepily as humanly (vampirically?) possible, because this show is in a contest with itself to out creepify each episode opener.

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Speaking of crazy, it seems like the possibility of finding and saving Dylan was the only thing keeping Vanessa from completely losing her crap. She's on a rampage, killing a buttload of ferals as violently as possible. We're guessing the vampire apocalypse doesn't leave much time for talk therapy or grief counseling.

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Julius has the nerve to point out that maybe going on a vampire murder spree isn't the best way to deal with her pain over Dylan. This goes just about as well as you might expect.

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And we're back to Sam who is trying to bond with his new stand in for Mohamad. He tries to get him to sign the word friend before offering him a weapon and a chance to play the world's most terrifying game of hide-and-seek.

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Axel and Doc are still on the road trip from hell. Pretty much literally. Apparently Axel is randomly going full vampire and because men are idiots, he still refuses to feed off Doc. Instead, he's opting for the "tie me to a tree" approach.

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Julius, who is the best character now that he isn't an asshole vampire, regales Vanessa with a story of his glory days as a boxer back in the 30s. One time he got a little too greedy and it cost him the fight. Now he sees her doing the same and he's worried. She's into it up until the part where he tries to teach a lesson.

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Their fun and games are cut short by literally the worst bad guys we've met yet. They're called Skinners and, well, they skin people. It's really, really gross. They capture Vanessa and Julius and plan to make both meals and meat suits out of them. Good times.

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Sam seems like he's determined to win Felix over in the most horrifying ways possible. Now it's time for "poetic but also really awful justice" AKA let's whip the jerk that whipped you a couple days ago before we murder him, eat him, and cut off his finger. Felix seems like maybe he's starting to come over to the dark side?

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The Skinners, meanwhile, discover that one of their snacks has spoiled and turn their attention to Vanessa. They discover that she's basically a source of infinite food thanks to her healing ability, but dinner is interrupted by a little girl who just walks on up into the camp and then takes off running. Vanessa runs after them with her tomahawk.

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PLOT TWIST: The kid didn't just wander into the camp. It was a trap because apparently this little girl belongs to like the Swiss Family Robinson of the vampire apocalypse. Just a guy and his band of heavily armed children hanging out in the woods killing vampires. Maybe it's more like Peter Pan? Or really violent Robin Hood?

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They're actually called The Johnsons and it's two men and their giant band of orphans living in the woods and trying not to die. Julius is into it. It's happy and hopeful. Vanessa is dubious. Child soldiers and all. She meets a nice nerdy kid who plays chess and has weird scars that he's "not supposed to talk about."

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The forest ninja from two weeks ago is back! They're still a ninja but no longer in the forest. This time they seem to be tracking Vanessa's kills while also throwing knives at ferals and being generally awesome and terrifying.

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Felix seems to still be on the light side! He was just biding his time, waiting for Sam to leave him alone so he could make his (very clumsy) escape, braving Sam's extreme creepiness to lock him out of the prison long enough to go back for his friends ... and then promptly get captured.

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Storytime back at the Johnson's camp where they're being told the story of Grendel and Beowolf -- with some slight modifications. They're using the exciting mythical tale to teach the kids to be brave and prepared when guarding the camp. Vanessa is still being a downer.

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Surprising pretty much everyone, Sam hasn't actually killed Felix. He's just given him a hair cut to look more like Mohamad. Then, of course, when Felix protests that that isn't his name, Sam cuts out his tongue. He's really gonna have to learn to sign now.

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Everything always comes back around on this show, and that's exactly what's happening here. As Vanessa goes with the group to a trade meeting, it turns out the group they're meant to be trading with is non-other than the very one Sam has been murdering for the last few days.

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Vanessa realizes immediately who is behind all the carnage and goes to confront Sam. He, for his part, is all too excited for the reunion.

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