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Bitten: Witchy Spells For Other Syfy Characters

Here are some characters from other Syfy shows that could use a visit from Ruth and Paige to improve their quality of life ... or just, you know, for laughs.

By Bryan Enk

By now you're well-acquainted with Ruth and Paige, the witchy duo that have sent the world of the Pack spinning with magic and mystery. We've gotten a taste of their powers, what with Paige temporarily blinding Nick and Ruth's nifty marble that can make every door and window in the Stonehaven house open (including, unfortunately, Malcolm's cage).

We're sure many more spells will be unveiled and cast throughout the second season of Bitten. In the interim, here are some characters from other Syfy shows that could use a visit from Ruth or Paige to improve their quality of life … or just, you know, for laughs.

  1. Jennifer Goines (12 Monkeys)
    Recommended Spell: Sanity

    True, if the enfant terrible of 12 Monkeys weren't bonkers crazy, there really wouldn't be a, well, plot to 12 Monkeys. But dear lord, could this lady use a break from her own brain.


  2. Callandra 'Cally' Henderson Tyrol (Battlestar Galactica)
    Recommended Spell: Anti-Annoying

    All we're saying is if Cally had maybe been a little less shrewish and impulsive she might not have engaged in a series of ever-escalating unfortunate events that eventually led to her being shot out of a launch tube by Tory Foster. Maybe. (Hey, at least she wasn't a damn Cylon … right?)


  3. Doc Yewll (Defiance)
    Recommended Spell: Perfect Bedside Manner

    Oh, don't get us wrong - we love Doc exactly the way she is. We just think it would be a treat to see how the citizens of Defiance would react if their gruff town physician was suddenly … you know, nice. Wasn't there an episode of The Dukes of Hazzard that went something like this?


  4. Michael & Gabriel (Dominion)
    Recommended Spell: Switch Bodies

    Michael is an archangel who sides with mankind and commands the Archangel Corps, the first line of defense in the fortified city of Vega. His brother, the archangel Gabriel, believes humans to be the reason for God's disappearance and is determined to wipe them from the face of the Earth. These two couldn't be more different … so how hilarious would it be if they suddenly switched bodies, a la the Judge Reinhold/Fred Savage comedy classic, Vice Versa? Oh, the humanity!


  5. Duke Crocker (Haven)
    Recommended Spell: Peace of Mind

    We love Duke, but his self-absorbed nature and constant brooding can be exhausting. Just to give him (and us) a break from himself for a little while, we'd like to see his pervasive emo-ness and knack for melodrama trumped by being, well, content-ish. For at least, you know, half an episode.


  6. Peter Farragut (Helix)
    Recommended Spell: Eternal Sleep

    When we last saw Peter at the end of the second season of Helix, he was being led away in chains by the authorities for killing a bunch of people in gruesome ways on the island of St. Germain. At this point, Peter just needs to have a nice long nap … like, forever.


  7. Bo (Lost Girl)
    Recommended Spell: Abstinence

    What a twist that would be, eh? We're just curious to see what Bo would do to heal, feed and kill sans her go-to modus operandi: sex. It would be interesting (for a little while, anyway) to see what types of tactics a “Waiting for Marriage” Fae would come up with … if any.


  8. Hero (Olympus)
    Recommended Spell: I Know Kung Fu

    For someone named “Hero,” this guy sure gets his ass kicked an awful lot. Sure, he's crafty, but he also has a tendency to get caught by the Athenian soldiers, and, well, maybe some sudden martial arts skills might help him live up to his namesake a little better.


  9. Doc (Z Nation)
    Recommended Spell: Healing

    When we last saw Doc at the end of Season 1 of Z Nation, he'd been shot by the nefarious Dr. Walter Kurian. We don't want to lose Doc (unlike Doc Yewll on Defiance, he's not really a doctor, but you knew that already) or his endless bits of sagely wisdom, so a zap of speedy recovery is in order. That is, unless those nuclear missiles are going to actually reach their targets and wipe out what's left of the planet … in that case, why bother?


Check out a plethora of witchy spells on tonight's episode of Bitten at 9/8c.