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Episode Recap: The F*cking Cop

Welcome to the Blood Drive, a race where cars run on blood, there are no rules and losing means you die.


Welcome to the Blood Drive. Just to set the stage for you – in this world it’s 1999, oil has become really crazy expensive, food and water are scarce, and things have fallen generally to pieces. The only people who survive are folks like our heroine, Grace. She’s crafty - and she has a car that runs on blood. Yes, that. When gas gets so expensive, a girl has to improvise. It turns out she’s not alone. There are quite a few cars that run on blood. And the deep seedy underbelly that participates in such things – is about to get a closer look.

Arthur, our hero, is a cop. Well, sort of. See, in this world, the police have been turned over to a private company called Contracrime. Arthur and his partner Christopher find a few people with mysterious markings on their arms and decide to look into things a little further. What they find is something called a Mayhem Party: a generally lawless place with a “suck-bus” and a bunch of freaky people and their cars. A master of ceremonies named Julian Slink runs this party. He welcomes all of the various peeps to his prized creation – the Blood Drive! It’s a race across country in cars that run on blood. The winner gets 10 million dollars. Pretty much everyone else gets killed. A few rules, all of the teams have these tech chips implanted in their skull. They can't ever be too far from their team or Slink can melt their brains. Also, if they come in last to a heat, Slink can melt their brains.

As you might expect, Arthur ends up falling into the party and through a series of hijinks, he ends up on a team with Grace. Slink's really into the showmanship of the whole thing, see, and these two are pretty good looking and have good chemistry, what’s not to love? There's no time to figure it out or escape, so these two are now part of the race. Grace is trying to win the race so she can save her sister, who needs a lot of mental health care. Arthur, though, is not about to take the blood drive seriously. He's never going to let someone die for fuel. But…won't he?

Meanwhile, Christopher goes back to the corporate cop station, where he spends a lot of time naked. This is…look, you should get used to the idea that Christopher is naked. It keeps going like this. The Sergeant is not buying this whole "vampire-car" thing, but Christopher isn't ready to let it go.  He’s approached by another officer named Aki, who tells him she wants to help him crack the case and their lead seems to be Heart Industries. 

Meanwhile, back on the blood drive, Grace and Arthur come across a gruesome scene. Another racer, Rib Bone, has found some fuel in the form of a car full of cheerleaders that he slices up and feeds to his car. Arthur grabs the wheel from Grace so he can try to save them, and this causes a good deal of car trouble. A fight with Rib Bone later, and Arthur wants nothing more than to save the cheerleaders. He tries to call for help and as Grace tries to get them out of there, she’s furious that the car seems busted.

Grace throws spikes into the road to trap another team from the blood drive – two men called The Gentleman and The Scholar. The Scholar, see, is a genius with fixing the blood-cars, while The Gentleman is just sort of a mean dandy. Arthur threatens them not to feed the cheerleaders to his car, but like, duh, they do.

Aki convinces Christopher to go with her to Heart Industries to investigate. When he realizes that she may not be completely on the up-and-up, he accidentally kills her. But instead of blood, colorful goo comes out and a NEW Dominatrix version of Aki shows up. Christopher is in some serious trouble.

Grace's car breaks down again because while The Scholar is actually a stand-up honest dude, The Gentleman is not and they didn’t do a great job. So now, as everyone goes whipping by them to the finish line, Grace and Arthur have to do a fast patch job – which puts them in last place. And we all know what that means – their heads will melt once Slink throws a few switches. He’s about to activate those weird tech bits in their skulls that will kill them when Grace and Arthur realize there’s a way around their death. If they can get their adrenaline up high enough, they can sort circuit the technology long enough. And so, obviously, Grace and Arthur have sex in the car as they race toward the finish line. It works and the pair live to fight another day. Even Slink seems impressed.

Finally, Arthur learns that Blood Drive, Contracrime, and just about everything else in the country is connected by Heart Industries. He agrees to finish the race and help Grace's sister. But in the process, he plans to bring the whole thing down.