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Professor Farnsworth has shocking news for the Planet Express employees: they were all fired two years ago when the incompetent Box Delivery Network cancelled their license. However, a phone call brings good news: they're back in business! The executives who cancelled them have themselves been fired, and then ground into a fine pink powder that has a million and one uses! In the ensuing celebration, Hermes' head is accidentally sliced off during a limbo competition involving sabers.
At the Head Museum Hermes' head is saved by a smooth-talking attendant named Lars. Lars and Leela immediately fall for one another, and Fry is immediately jealous. Hermes' wife decides that two half-daddies isn't good enough for their son, and she leaves him to go in search of a new husband.
During a delivery to a nude-beach planet, Leela notices that Fry has a tattoo of Bender on his rear end. This comes as a surprise to Fry. As they relax on the beach, they are tricked into signing a petition (and giving out their e-mail addresses) by a group of aliens. Later, at home, they start getting lots of annoying marketing spam; including a "virus scan" that infects Bender with a computer virus, as well as other scams that they all fall for, giving out even more of their personal information. The aliens with the petition turn up; Farnsworth has inadvertently signed Planet Express over to them, and Bender's virus is an obedience virus. The aliens, with Bender's enthusiastic help, use Planet Express as a base to help take over the world via e-mail scams.
As Lars makes a date with Leela, the aliens begin "sprunging" for information, which arouses them. They sniff out a mother lode of information... in Fry's pants. It turns out that the tattoo of Bender is made of microscopic zeros and ones; when read out loud, it's the code to create a Time Sphere. As the aliens plan to use it to plunder history, Nibbler abandons his pretense of being a helpless pet. He warns the aliens that every time the Time Sphere is used, they risk tearing the universe asunder. His fellow tiny Niblonians attack, but they are fended off handily by the aliens (swatting at them with chairs). The universe is doomed...