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Let me put it in Disney-fied terms for ya (*Ernesto de la Cruz voice*): REMEMBER ME?!?! I'm back baby, and (pretending to be) better than ever!
I want to assure you I still do this column even though my disappearing act has made it seem otherwise, an unexpected circumstance of going on vacation and coming down with a foreign strain of the flu (only somewhat bragging) before returning home and being rendered useless for a full nine days.
I went to Tokyo Disney Resort and Shanghai Disneyland for the second time and Universal Studios Japan and Puroland for the very first while overseas, all of which were informative and truly exceptional. While I continue to attempt to mentally process everything I saw — and how superior Tokyo Disney Resort is, wow, WOW — let's focus on all the domestic madness I missed while ignoring the entirety of theme park Twitter, because I missed a lot.
Think of this as your inaugural 2020 "We Didn't Start The Fire" column. Will it rhyme? Maybe. (It won't, I have somewhere to be in a few hours and I don't have that kind of time.) Or do I!?!?! You'll have to read until the end to find out!!!
ALL THE STAR WARS LAND STUFF YOU GOTTA KNOW ABOUT
Welcome to 2020, where I've turned over a new leaf and no longer mind if I call Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge by its legally given name. A few notable things have gone down in my absence, particularly R2-D2 finally, finally roaming free(ish) around the cragged walkways of Batuu:
I won't quite applaud Disney for rolling out (pun intended) the only free-roaming droid in a Star Wars-themed land seven months after first welcoming guests, but I will mention that my spidey senses somehow KNEW this was going down, since I unknowingly tweeted this at the exact same time:
Other folks may have expertise in theme parks, but are they low-key psychic? I don't think so, Robert Niles!!! (Kidding, I respect him and his writing very much.) Still, WHERE IS C-3P0? I understand the massive concerns with a bunch of robots rolling on through a theme park land filled with hordes of people, but a gilded tin man!? If Times Square can have a robot man, so can we!
ANYWAY, a few other newsworthy things went down in my flu-fueled absence both in and around Galaxy's Edge on both coasts. Disneyland introduced a Single Rider line for Star Tours amidst its new scenes themed to Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker as well as, um, a plastic Millennium Falcon filled with fries?!?!
[Normal human reaction.]
It ends up this gigantic plastic pancake is less of a fries bucket and more of a potato envelope, but I won’t say an ill word about it because a theme park resort instructing me to carry around fries for the day and snack on them while waiting in line for Space Mountain is a perfect point of view.
Disneyland debuts its Rise of the Resistance attraction this coming Friday, so hold out for next week for detailed instructions on how to use the park’s forthcoming Boarding Pass system to snag a spot in their virtual queue while you spend the rest of your day gleefully, ya know, eating cold fries out of an attachable starship.
EVERYTHING ELSE YOU MAY HAVE MISSED OVER THE PAST MONTH
I hate sleep, love to rhyme and this is weirdly the easiest way to catch you up on everything I gotta relay your way.
So! Sing this excerpt in your head to the tune of "We Didn't Start The Fire" if you DARE:
- M&M’s to Disney Springs.
- Summer welcomes Halloween.
- Twitter hits a class war.
- Gucci's Mickey line is dope.
- RunDisney prices are a joke.
- APs get a drinking place,
- Sam Eagle meats are just the cure-o.
- Come have fluffernutter churros!
*nyah nyah nyah nyahhhhh nyah nyah nyah!*
TWEET OF THE WEEK
ONE MORE THING:
My favorite first look at everything that's coming to Universal Studios Japan's Nintendo-themed land. Thank you, Cabel, for this! Wow.