Sonic the Hedgehog Teeth
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Credit: Paramount Pictures

Chosen One of the Day: Sonic the Hedgehog's human teeth

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May 1, 2019

Yesterday, the Internet was taken by storm by an image that would haunt our collective nightmares f o r e v e r.

The Sonic the Hedgehog trailer dropped and…it was something else. We’d been trying to prepare ourselves for this moment ever since the unsettling poster was released months ago, presumably taken from in between Sonic’s legs as he sat looking down at the Golden Gate Bridge. But there was no way we could have been ready for what awaited us.

And maybe it’s due to Hollywood’s current obsession with horror that got us here. Or maybe it’s that we’ve all gotten a little too comfortable with our soft, friendly, comfortable cartoons. Or maybe it’s Mother Earth herself, angry at being so abused, so she decided that Climate Change wasn’t enough and so we’re going to have to be punished.

In any event, our time was nigh as we all learned. The Sonic trailer dropped and we were forced to face the fact that our beloved Sonic the Hedgehog’s usually benign mouth full of human teeth was a horror borne of the Uncanny Valley when put into textured 3-D.

HIS TEETH ARE HUMAN. Where did he find these human teeth? With what Tooth Fairy did Sonic make the ultimate deal of a soul for 32 teeth?

Perhaps we’ll get answers in this summer’s film, perhaps not. Until then, rest easy, Sonic chomps for thee.

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