Remember that radio commercial for Tamagotchis circa 1996? There was a creepy voice in the background going Tamagotchi, Tamagotchi, and the whole thing was very vague about what this Tama-thing actually did.
Fast-forward to 2019, and the Tamagotchis are getting married — or at least this is what it would look like in the imagination of SYFY WIRE's Jackie Jennings.
The wedding guests would be (of course) a Barbie, a Beanie Baby, two Care Bears, Pikachu, and a very feisty pink-haired troll. Just when you think things can't get any weirder, the troll obviously had some sordid affair with the yellow Tamagotchi (the one with the bridal veil and bouquet) he just couldn't get over, because he runs in begging "Goldie" for a second chance. So apparently that one's name is Goldie. Blue remains anonymous.
This is all really shocking to Pikachu. It's surprising a jolt of electricity from his tail didn't suddenly light up the room. Barbie is so offended her plastic head almost can't take it.
Tamagotchis and trolls just aren't compatible, if you believe Goldie. Even that weird sparkly wishing gem can't get the troll a happy ending this time. At least the Tamagotchis get one, even if they can only kiss through digital screens in a show of pixelated happiness. The stuffed animals in attendance get especially emotional at this.
You'd think Barbie would catch the bouquet, right? After all, she is supposed to be the quintessential princess, prom queen, Miss America, and everything in between (including, lately, an astronaut). It's shockingly not Barbie. The purple Beanie Baby, whatever creature that's supposed to be, catches it and Pikachu gets huge heart eyes.
This is really something you have to see to believe, which is why you have to watch the video. It's not every day two egg-things with digital pixel-things that live in them actually want to get married.
This article was contributed to by Elizabeth Rayne.