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40 thoughts we had while watching Love Potion No. 9

By Nichole Perkins
Love Potion No 9

Love Potion No. 9, the 1992 film starring Tate Donovan and Sandra Bullock, used to be one of my favorite romcoms. It will probably always be my favorite Sandra Bullock movie (Speed and Miss Congeniality are second and third, respectively).

I loved Love Potion No. 9 because I’m a sucker for magic and romance, especially if the story features a woman coming into her own power. But now that I’m older and re-watch it, I can’t help but cringe at some of the parts I used to laugh at. 

  1. I really like the credits font. Is abbreviating “number” like that French? I’m going to start writing it like that from now on.
  2. Ah, Tate Donovan. Rachel’s Joshua and the voice of Disney’s Hercules. What a range.
  3. Maybe they stretched these credits out to fit the length of the song. Jeez.
  4. The fortune teller (Anne Bancroft) spits in Paul’s (Donovan) hand and it still grosses me out.
  5. This stuff looks like dab.
    Love Potion No. 9, Sandra Bullock
  6. Sandra Bullock’s baby face! Her character looks like Jerry Lewis as the (original) Nutty Professor.
  7. Cheryl (Rebecca Staab) is so mean to Paul! The film’s first nudge that beauty = bitch.
  8. Of course one of these lonely nerdy people has a cat! 
  9. I love that Aretha’s “Dr. Feelgood” plays as Diane waits for Gary the jerk face.
  10. Gary looks like if a member of Duran Duran played college football in the Midwest. 

    Love Potion No 9, Sandra Bullock 2
  11. You can tell Diane is secretly very passionate in this after-glow shot but I hate Gary! Ultimate fuckboi.
  12. Marisa, the sex worker casing out Paul’s place, sucks.
  13. So far, the lessons learned from this movie are: beautiful women are heartless bitches, scientists are socially awkward, lonely people have cats, sex workers are thieves and con artists. Good to know.
  14. Cats and magic, man. Never far apart.
  15. It’s so wild. Baby Sandra Bullock looks like all my light-skinned cousins with her lady ‘stache.
  16. I would definitely use the potion to get out of a traffic ticket.
  17. Never mess with spells that compromise a person’s free will! It always becomes a mess!
  18. Love this look into a corporate office run mostly by women and the only straight white man is the person who supervises them all.
  19. Cheryl the Bitch uses the power of her beauty to be a bully. Marisa the Sex Worker uses the power of her sex to be a thief. Diane the Nerd uses the power of her intellect to be her own Robin Hood. 
  20. Adrian Paul is so gorgeous. 
  21. It’s scary when you think about how many romances hinge on removing a person’s full and enthusiastic consent via magic or trickery.
  22. Whoa. How many times have we watched scenes where men show they’re truly enamored by taking women shopping?!

    Love Potion No. 9, Dylan Baker

  23. Dylan Baker is Prince Geoffrey but all I can see now is Colin Sweeney from The Good Wife.
  24. Hard to see him as desirable after that (no shade, but have you seen The Good Wife?).
  25. Of course, Paul’s first mission with the potion is Cheryl the Bitch who rejected him.
  26. The women use the potion for material gain and the men use it to get sex from women who would tell them no. "Creepy" doesn't even begin to cover it!
  27. But look at how Paul’s confidence grows as he tricks different women into sleeping with him! 
  28. Are we sure this is a romance?
  29. Loved seeing Gary the Jerk with his broken face! That’s right. Diane is with a prince!
  30. Diane even uses the potion to help get Paul out of jail and he’s all about getting his dick wet. Men!
  31. Diane immediately leveled up from the Italian car mogul to the Prince of England and Paul is ramming his way through a sorority house. Men are so basic.

    Missing media item.
  32. Paul’s caveman confidence brings out his curls, though.
  33. I love a good love montage!
  34. Gary is such a scum bag but Paul’s curls look amazing!
  35. Sandra Bullock looks almost exactly the same in 2019 as she does in this movie.
  36. Weird how bad Paul felt for Diane once he suffered the effects of the potion but not for the women he hoodoo’ed for sex.
  37. It’s a small thing, but I’m glad the movie lets Diane be a sexual individual (she likes using that peacock feather) to combat a little bit of the "undesirable nerd" stereotype.
  38. At least Marisa regains control of her scamming sex worker narrative.
  39. The End: I guess that’s what Happily-Ever-After really is — finding your one and only after scamming your way through love.
  40. Damn. I’m bitter.