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In the film The Touch of Satan, as showcased spectacularly in Episode 908 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 — a fact I did not need to look up — we follow Jody and Melissa, two blandly groovy white people, as they fall in love on a peanut farm surrounded by murder grandmas. It's awesome. See, Melissa is actually 200 years old and in that time, she's had to get creative when it comes to making friends. Like summoning the deeply dull Jody from the road so that he could rub his boot-cut cordouroys all over her, and also apparently hanging out with this one fish.
I have been fascinated and delighted by this fish for over 20 years now. WHAT IS ITS STORY? I MUST KNOW. Is there just one fish in this whole pond? Are there many fish but they're all real d***s and only this one is chill? Is this fish also a 200-year-old witch burned at the stake by that guy from Giant Spider Invasion? Where is the fish's movie? Where is adequate fish representation in cinema? Also later in the movie, Jody and Melissa totally bang right in that same spot — does the fish watch? Is the fish into it? Does the fish approve of Jody or is the fish all, "Mel, girl, you can do better, I know a guy. OR DO I? AM I THE ONLY FISH IN THE SEA?"
These questions may never find their answer. And maybe that's OK. But if I do find them, I know where to look.
I mean ... hopefully.