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SYFY WIRE Chosen One of The Day

Chosen One of the Day: Turnips

By Courtney Enlow

How do you do, fellow kids? It's me, your girl Courtney. I am to understand turnips are all the rage today and as a lover of a good root vegetable I am thrilled. I have never played your Animal Crossing on the Switch machine but I have a pretty good grasp on the turnips. The turnips are the currency in the adorable dystopia, stocks that rise and fall at the whim of The Capitalist Raccoon. But they are also so much more!

Like did you know that turnips contain 350% of your daily value of Vitamin K? More like Vitamin Krossing! Because of Animal Krossing!

Did you know that you can make lots of foods with turnips? Mostly they involve pretending they are potatoes. They are not potatoes. They will never be the potato.

Did you know that turnips are part of the Brassica family of vegetable, along with Brussels sprouts, broccoli, and cauliflower? Turnips are the basement baby of the Brassica family along with her sister cauliflower, but as cauliflower rose in popularity over the last couple years for people who want to eat things they can pretend are other things, cauliflower became a beautiful princess and turnip stayed in her dungeon. Well now it is turnip's moment. It is turnip's day in the sun! Cauliflower best watch her back.

Did you know that you can hollow out turnip and carve face in turnip and shove hand in turnip and scare away ghosts and children? You can!


Even Michelle Obama knows! Turnip for what? It is what I ask too, Michelle Obama! For what is turnip? For everything! For all of everything! DANCE! DANCE FOR THE TURNIP! DO THE BIDDING OF CAPITALIST SWEATER VEST MAN! 


Editor's note: Quarantine may have gotten to Courtney finally. She is going to rest now and dream of TURNIPS TURNIPS TURNIPS, IT WAS ME ALL ALONG, I AM EDITOR, GOODBYEEEE.