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Full disclosure: when I say I've never actually watched the movie Ghost before, what I mean is it's one of those movies I've watched in passing because it was always airing on basic cable TV.
I decided to change that for three reasons — the first due to the fact this year marks the 30th anniversary of a '90s classic. The second is purely based on the well-known fact that the late Patrick Swayze is so damn beautiful and also such a talented actor. And lastly, I need to know exactly what was going down in the pottery scene, a classic scene that I've seen spoofed countless times.
Plus, who am I to not watch a '90s movie with Whoopi Goldberg in it?
1. This opening is so long. They wanted to get every penny of usage out of the opening song and the room design.
2. Even though he is covered in dust, a shirtless Patrick Swayze is a win. We really won, y'all.
3. I could totally see a home renovation show starring a '90s Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze, and Tony Goldwyn.
4. Buying a place you have to renovate? The wealth jumped out.
5. A little PDA in front of a shirtless friend who more than likely had something else to do on his day off? Sure.
6. I have to take a moment to remind everyone of how big fine Patrick Swayze was. May the divine creator rest his fine soul.
7. The elevator scene is hitting different thanks to the pandemic. Sam and Carl pretending Carl has something contagious while Carl coughs is a lot.
8. There is no doubt in my mind that Sam and Molly were having some good and nasty sex.
9. For a brief moment, I thought Sam was going to end up a ghost because he lost his grip while swinging out the window to grab the art piece they were trying to get into the apartment.
10. Has Sam been in some of my therapy sessions? Was he a ghost in the room? Because I felt this conversation about being afraid to be entirely happy because you're waiting on the other shoe to drop.
11. A plane crashing just before you have to fly is some next-level stress.
12. Let's talk about the ways this movie impacted pottery culture. Iconic.
13. Ohhhhhhhhh! So, the sexy pottery scene starts because Sam ruined what Molly was working on? I mean sure. Men, amirite?!
14. I am so profoundly comforted by the fact that they washed their hands before engaging in the secks after playing in that clay.
15. Also! I am so relieved to now know the pottery scene takes place while Sam was still alive and not after he died. This entire time I assumed some haunted dickery was going on. A little haunted peenus, as a treat.
16. I don't like them walking down this dark street.
17. On no! Sam put up a hell of a fight.
18. Damn, he died. I knew it was going to happen, but still, it hurts.
19. At least it looks like Sam is going to the Good Place. An actual Good Place and not the Bad Place disguised as the Good Place, though.
20. Damn, there is a timer on the portal to heaven?
21. Pets and babies always see ghosts.
22. I couldn't even imagine being a ghost but unable to keep my loved ones safe. Poor Sam.
23. Small aside, but Patrick is wearing the hell out of these jeans.
24. Thinking of ghosts fighting each other on a packed subway train is really stressing me out. Public transportation is already stressful; adding some ghosts to the mix is a lot to process.
25. Whoopi Goldberg knew she didn't pick characters in the '90s who shied away from giving us fashions.
26. Talk to me, Miss Cleo Goldberg.
27. This wig is kind of cute.
28. We love a scam.
29. You know, at least Sam died in something comfortable and cute. I would be so upset if I died in some kitten heels and had to finish up my business on Earth in them.
30. "I knew you were a white man!" I mean obviously, look at him requesting labor for free.
31. Sam is a petty ghost.
32. This is kind of Casper, but for adults?
33. I love how Oda Mae isn't scared to mix prints.
34. "White but cute." I felt that.
35. I'm surprised Oda Mae convinced Molly to listen.
36. Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg are great on-screen together.
37. "Molly. You in danger, girl."
38. He was set up? The plot thickens. It's from all that shirtless PDA earlier.
39. "Have a nice life. Have a nice death. Goodbye." This ENERGY.
40. It looks like Fitz could use Olivia Pope's help.
41. I knew Carl was a snake!
42. All over 80K??
43. Oops, not this racism popping up in this movie by this Bill Dauterive lookalike at the police station.
44. I know he did not spill hot liquids on himself so he could take his shirt off to entice his friend's fianceé. The man hasn't been dead a whole month yet.
45. Dirty macking after your friend's death? Trash!!
46. Ghost training.
47. This is getting kind of dark.
48. Oda Mae, being booked and busy after making contact with Sam, is funny.
49. A little warmup body possession in our paranormal romance thriller before THE body possession moment.
50. Run girl! Oda Mae, you are the one in danger!!
51. Oda Mae's bank fraud outfit is everything.
52. Four million dollars??
53. Carl keeps refreshing this 1990 computer like it's not a 1990 computer.
54. Sam is a wealth redistribution king.
55. Oh wow. So the demons just come and carry souls right on to hell.
56. Carl is such trash.
57. Sam put in quick work using his new spooky powers on Carl.
58. Yes! Mess him up!
59. Carl got precisely what he deserved, and that's a big shard of glass through his chest. Damn, he died terribly.
60. The demons took him right to hell.
61. Carl was money-laundering. SMH.
62. Why does this music playing while Molly realizes Oda Mae isn't lying about Sam sound like some Disney music?
63. I know this moment should be serious, but the fact that it's Oda Mae touching Molly because Sam took over her body is as hilarious as it is creepy as it is troubling.
64. Sam went on to glory.
65. Now I'm crying.
66. I really enjoyed Ghost. Truly.
67. However, Ghost is in the subgenre of magical negroes who help white people in love.