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If you’ve been watching the fourth season of The Magicians with us, you know that Eliot Waugh has recently become a victim of identity theft.
Our sweet, eccentric, 18th-century dandy is currently serving as a meat suit for a God-like monster, one who enjoys flaying ice cream vendors and torturing morning TV anchors. Darth Eliot, as he’s been called this season, is on the hunt for the magical beings who’ve wronged him and he’s been abusing the power that Eliot’s body has over Quentin (and honestly, every single one of us) to carry out his evil endgame.
So yeah, you could say this season has been ROUGH.
Queliot stans have been forced to stare at a mirror image, one with the same luscious locks and the grace of a Russian ballet dancer, week after week, knowing the real Eliot is trapped in some mindf*ck while Darth Eliot utilizes his corporeal form in some truly heinous ways.
But there’s a light in this terrible darkness, a boon to our sorrows.
You see, Darth Eliot may not have the same sense of style as the real Eliot with his Oscar Wilde vest porn and David Bowie whimsy, but he’s sporting his own unique look and it’s all about the graphic tees, baby.
Whether they’re splattered with the blood of an innocent baby pig or covered by a chunky black cardigan as Darth Eliot disembowels his enemies, these ironic, quirky shirts are there to distract us from the gore, the violence, and the depressing truth that the real Eliot just can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Because he might be dead.
Let’s not focus on that though my precious babies, let’s focus on the revolving t-shirt collection.
Ignore Darth Eliot slashing the poor man who forgot to put sprinkles on his ice cream cone to pieces and instead, appreciate the dry wit of his blood-spotted “This Is My Happy Shirt” look.Feign ignorance to the thinly-veiled threats thrown at Quentin when he inadvertently pisses the mercurial monster off and marvel at the Winosaur — a French dinosaur in a red beret, sipping on a bottle of wine, the t-shirt equivalent of a dad joke if we’ve ever seen one.
Fret not over Darth Eliot’s willingness to endanger his physical form by loading up on pills and booze and delight in this palindrome for taco lovers everywhere.
And if none of these carry enough joy to see you through to the end of this season — which is shaping up to be a bloody hot mess — then here’s our final gift to you…
It’s Hale Appleman in a cheeky, Scottish kilt. What more do you want from us?!
H/T Alyssa Fikse, President of the Queliot fan club who is credited as the first to appreciate the high-art of Darth Eliot's graphic tee collection. This one's for you, Alyssa!