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Chosen One of the Day: Gamera, master of the uneven bars
Today, Godzilla: King of the Monsters is out, delivering unto us both the 35th entry in the Godzilla series and also the premise that Godzilla is, in fact, the king of the monsters.
To which I ask...can he do a sick uneven bar routine? No. No he cannot. His arms are far too short. IS THIS YOUR KING?
That's why, for my money, there is only one true King of the Monsters, and that is Gamera, specifically in the film Gamera vs. Guiron, most notably featured in Season 3 of Mysery Science Theater 3000.
Gamera vs. Guiron is exceptionally silly film featuring a battle betwixt our favorite and turtliest kaiji and Guiron, who is a giant knife. A giant knife who does this with his face:
But that's not the best or silliest bit of the film. That honor is bestowed upon this 22-second scene in which Gamera slowly spins around on bars like Mary Lou Retton on cough syrup.
I claim no king, and if I did, it would not be Godzilla. Unless he has a killer floor routine.