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Apropos of absolutely nothing whatsoever, let’s take a trip down memory lane and remember a time before we all knew our precious bb cinnamon roll of a human, Tom Holland. Remember that feeling and hold it in your heart for a second.
That’s where we all were when Holland’s now-iconic performance on Lip Sync Battle, a show that feels so omnipresent and ethereal that I could honestly not tell you what network it’s on or when it airs, was uploaded to the internet.
When the cheers start and the lights come up, Holland — clad in a suit and hat — playfully bounces an umbrella off his shoe. The opening notes to 1952’s “Singin’ in the Rain” begin and we are treated to what is frankly a delightful scene of Tom Holland channeling Gene Kelly.
He slides, he spins, he taps!
Wow, we all thought, what a sweet kid Marvel found.
A little over 20 seconds in, Tom ducks behind a bunch of umbrellas and disappears. Six dancers are on stage, the backdrop lifts. A drum and bass kick in and...oh. It’s Rihanna’s massive 2007 hit, “Umbrella.” And. Then…
Could anything have prepared us for our brand new Spider-Man to gyrate his way into our hearts wearing red lipstick, a black wig, satin tuxedo halter, lace wristlets, fishnets, and what can only be described as shiny-ass vinyl ruffled booty shorts evocative of a background dancer in an early-aughts Puff Daddy music video?
I absolutely cannot pick a favorite part of this video. Is the hip-clock at the 45th second? Yes. Is it that part around 0:51 where he kicks the umbrella over his shoulder? Also yes. Maybe it’s when, sensing that she was representing every single one of us watching this video, Zendaya seemed to yelp “NOOOOO” and fall to the ground in shock and awe.
Or is it LL Cool J clearly having no idea how to handle this little white boy giving this song his absolute and complete all.
No wait, it’s definitely the entire last 40 seconds of the performance when he breaks it down in the mother f***ing studio rain dancing like he has an umbrella even though he lost it in his sheer enthusiasm 15 seconds earlier. Then the sparks come down and he flips his way into a puddle.
Honestly, the whole thing is perfection and I could not have asked for a better way to meet the new Peter Parker.