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Well, mark us down as scared and smitten. Why, you ask?
Well, it might have something to do with The Mountain from Game of Thrones reading sensual Westerosi poetry to us in honor of Valentine's Day. In real life, Gregor Clegane is Icelandic bodybuilder and actor Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson, who is also a brand ambassador for SodaStream, the company that allows you to make fizzy drinks in the comfort of your own home. He also hawked KFC, but that's another story.
To celebrate today's romantic holiday, SodaStream decided to film a video of Björnsson sitting shirtless on a couch in front of a roaring fire and reading off poetry sent in by fans all over the world. The Game of Thrones one is a thing of absolute beauty, on par with a sonnet by Shakespeare.
"Lannisters are red, White Walkers are blue, and on this Valentine's Day, I give all of Westeros to you," reads the poem by Javier Sierra in America. "From the Wall, to the north, and through the Iron Islands, on this Valentine's Day you bring me smiles."
In Game of Thrones, The Mountain was nearly killed by Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal) with a poisonous spear. Thanks to the perverse tinkerings and mad science of Maester Qyburn (Anton Lesser), Clegane came back as a purple-faced zombie devoid of any emotion or remorse. As such, he was appointed as Cersei's (Lena Headey) personal bodyguard and torture machine.
The Mountain also made a comedic appearance during a Super Bowl Bud Light ad in which he dispatched the Bud Knight in the very same way he killed Oberyn, graphically squashing his head in like a coconut.
Game of Thrones Season 8 premieres on HBO April 14.