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In the beginning, there were alignments. Then there were Hogwarts Houses. And then there was BDE.
When it comes to judging your favorite characters, these are all very fine and worthy metrics, but isn’t it time we went back to the metrics that mattered? You know, the stars?
With their hands determinedly covering up the birthdates of your favorite characters, FANGRRLS Clare and Sara set out to assign star signs to all your faves, one franchise at a time.
In this edition, Clare and Sara are just so over clowns.
Harley Quinn: Gemini
Clare: Previously on Star Signs, we've talked about how different incarnations and adaptations of characters often have different signs. But some characters, no matter what, have an astrological true north, and one of those characters is Harley Quinn. One might say Harley is a… Quinntessential Gemini. Eh? Eh?
Sara: No one loves puns more than a Gemini, so you are granting sufficient tribute to the Gemini Queen.
Clare: Birds of Prey brings us a Harley that I described to Sara as "a trash goblin and I love her." She's smart, certainly — she occasionally drops psychological bon mots gleaned from her Ph.D. days—but recovering from her breakup and trying to break out on her own compromises her already compromised impulse control, resulting in self-tattooing, exotic pet acquisition, and even more violence. Geminis operate as speedily as their ruling planet, Mercury, suggests normally, and Harley is a Chaos Gemini. So she’s running at twice that speed. A lot of the film is Harley struggling to stay a step ahead of the consequences of her own bad decisions (ugh, relatable), and she’s able to do that (…more or less) by thinking quickly on her feet. And making more bad decisions that turn out okay!
Sara: This is the most Gemini arc possible. The only arc that I can think of that matches this level of sheer Gemini energy is Prince in Purple Rain. From the amazing outfits to the great monologuing skills, every part of Harley Quinn is triumphant Gemini excellence and we are compelled to be here for it.
Black Canary: Libra
Sara: Damn! Not the most charming, likable sign that we all love again!
Clare: WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING? While Dinah Lance in the comics is quite comfortable being the center of attention, Dinah in Birds of Prey tries to hide her own shine, concealing her ability to canary cry and trying to stay in the sweet spot of Roman Sionis' attention — favored, but not his right-hand woman. Libras often try to keep the peace or the status quo, but they run a risk in losing their own wants and needs in the process. And that’s where we find Dinah: trying to keep things running smoothly, but struggling as her need to keep her head low conflicts in her need to do the right thing.
Sara: Libras are also obsessed with partnerships and hate being alone so it kind of makes sense that Dinah is constantly in a partnership or on teams. Dinah! Your Zodiac controls your destiny in subtle ways.
Clare: Also: it’s very hard for Dinah to lay low because she’s just so effortlessly cool. She rolls up to a work gig in an amazing gold-and-black bustier and navy suit. Every single look in Birds of Prey is flawless, but Dinah consistently rolls up in some of the best, which is extremely Libra of her.
Sara: The looks, the grace, the ability to beat up multiple people at once… it all screams "Libra."
Clare: Birds of Prey's Huntress is… incredible. I feel like every wlw I know walked out of that movie ready to die for her. The woman next to me at my screening thanked me for being such a responsive audience member, and I assume it's because I swooned when Huntress rolled up on her supercool bike.
Sara: Huntress has quite noticeably caused many swoons, this is canonical.
Clare: But though her bike is supercool, Birds of Prey Huntress is not. In the best possible way! Since she's spent so much time meticulously planning her revenge on the people who killed her family, she hasn't put any of her skill points into socializing. She’s incredibly self-sufficient, but, like Batman before her, kind of plays it off as this noble, sad sacrifice that she has to do… alone. (She is immediately teased for this.)
Sara: No one knows more about being lonely all alone like Cancers do, I'll tell you that.
Renee Montoya: Scorpio
Sara: Like many Scorpios before her, Rosie Perez Renee is wife material and also ex-wife material.
Clare: DIVORCE ME, RENEE! In Birds of Prey, Renee Montoya is retrofitted to be an older GCPD detective, with a running gag that she sounds like she stepped out of a bad '80s cop movie. Accordingly, this is one of the greatest gifts this film could give to me.
Sara: Working in close quarters with Harvey Bullock for years will do that to a detective.
Clare: Scorpios are known for gritting their teeth and never giving up. Renee is deeply committed to justice; so much that she suffers all the slings and arrows of working under her old dismissive partner, besides her new dismissive partner, and her ex-girlfriend at the DA's office. As long as she can bring monsters like Sionis to justice, she'll persist.
Sara: She'll do justice all day and night.
Clare: But that doesn't mean that anger just magically evaporates. It just sublimates into a deep grudge that Renee can brood from. AND WOW CAN RENEE BROOD. Renee's brooding is classically Scorpio; she not only builds an apartment-sized evidence dungeon at home, but she almost burns it up while drinking heavily at home after being suspended.
Sara: Scorpios, you go too hard, but I am forced to respect it.
Clare: Mad respect — but from a distance.
Cassandra Cain: Aquarius
Clare: Just so we're all on the same page, Cassandra Cain in the major motion picture Birds of Prey isn't the Cassandra Cain of the comics. The way I square it, this is a kid who just so happens to also be named Cassandra Cain.
Sara: *throws hands into air* It is what it is, people!
Clare: Cassie is a tough kid in an action comedy — she swears! She drinks (or tries to)! She's funny! — but she's got a tender little heart. All she fundamentally wants is for someone to understand her and take her under their wing, which she's not getting from her foster families. She's been disappointed so many times that her immediate reaction to anyone trying to help — like Dinah trying to reach out to her — is to be super-aggressive. But when Harley, her roller derby idol, rolls into her life and actually seems to give a damn, Cassie’s tough exterior starts to come down. I think it’s hilarious that Cassie looks up to Harley as an example of a Cool Adult with All of Her Stuff Together, but she’s, like, twelve, so I can let that slide. I have a feeling we all looked up to certain adults when we were preteens that we'd realize today were just complete messes.
Sara: Yeah, like our parents.
Clare: But Harley proves disappointing, because she's Harley, and Cassie retreats into the cold, withering judgment of Aquarius that’s protected her all her life. She doesn't need feelings! Screw all of these people! She can stand alone and be just fine!
Sara: Once an Aquarius I know referred to Aquarians as "humanitarians who hate humanity," and while that doesn't describe every Aquarius you can definitely tell when it does. Aquarians are just better off when they can gently believe the best of people, those little gentle-hearted waterbearers! Yet they are the friendship sign and if you do make changes and offer a sincere apology then you will win them back in a heartbeat.
Clare: And that's this movie!