batman 80th

The Week in Geek: Batman is old, The Avengers are dust, and The Craft has risen

Contributed by
Mar 29, 2019

Well, well, well. Look what we got here: The end of another week. Sure would be a shame if something were to... happen to it. Something like a news round-up, BOOM! Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about!

Here they are: The five biggest stories from... The Week in Geek!

RACHEL TRUE'S THE CRAFT IS GETTING A REMAKE

The classic 1996 horror dramedy about teen witches, The Craft, which stars Rachel True, Robin Tunney, Rachel True, Fairuza Balk, Rachel True, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, and Skeet Ulrich, is getting a remake. Or, we think it's a remake? Could be a sorta kinda continuation but with a whole new cast?

Columbia Pictures and Blumhouse are the companies behind the remake and they've chosen Zoe Lister-Jones as the writer/director for the project.

the craft rachel true

Credit: Columbia Pictures

Now, you might be wondering why a remake of a witch movie from the '90s is such a big deal, and, no, it's not because it's a slow news week. The thing about The Craft is that it's iconic: a massively successful horror movie about a group of women with superpowers who have to come to grips with the consequences of said powers. There just weren't a lot of movies like that. Heck, there still aren't. For women horror fans as well as the LGBTQ+ community, it's one of those beloved classics.

Also, if you're wondering why there's such a focus on Rachel True here, that's because, statistically, there is usually no focus on her in discussions of The Craft. Even though True co-starred equally with the other three lead actresses, she often goes unmentioned in articles discussing the film, including talk of the remake. True also rarely is offered to appear at conventions for "The Craft Reunion Specials." True is black, by the way. Feels relevant, because this is all very racist and gross. Sadly, that racism has become part of the legacy of The Craft. Here's hoping this new incarnation could be a chance to correct that.

detective comics 1000

Credit: DC Comics

BATMAN TURNS 1000 YEARS OLD. OR 80.

Batman. The Dark Knight. Master Bruce to his father figure (which is kinda weird when you think about it). He's loomed large in the public consciousness for longer than most people alive today have been around. To celebrate what is now the 80th anniversary of Batman's first appearance, DC Comics released a jumbo-sized Detective Comics #1000. Full of keen skills of detection, challenges to Batman's very nature, and even a story about the gun that killed Martha and Thomas Wayne (by none other than Kevin Smith), it's a collection of stories that help sum up one of the world's most beloved heroes.

SYFY WIRE spoke with Batman writers and artists about the stories that influenced them most over the years. It's pretty good. You should read it.

batman kills

Credit: DC Comics

ZACK SNYDER ALSO "CELEBRATES" BATMAN

Hey. You all remember Zack Snyder, right? He was the DCEU It Guy for a while? Made Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice? Man of Steel? Also directed the Dawn of the Dead remake back in 2004, which was scripted by James Gunn (aka the first DC/Marvel crossover event)?

Well, anyway, while Snyder was at a screening for another little comic book adaptation of his called Watchmen, he also had some words about Batman. Was he talking about his love for the character after 80 years? Nope! Was he summing Batman up on that 80th anniversary? Uh... kinda?

"Someone says to me, 'Batman killed a guy.' I’m like, 'F**k, really? Wake the f**k up,' I guess that’s what I’m saying," Snyder said about Batman for some goddamned reason. "Once you’ve lost your virginity to this f**king movie and then you come and say to me something about like 'My superhero wouldn’t do that,' I’m like, 'Are you serious?' I’m like down the f***ing road on that. It’s a cool point of view to be like 'My heroes are still innocent. My heroes didn’t f***ing lie to America. My heroes didn’t embezzle money from their corporations. My heroes didn’t commit any atrocities.’ That’s cool. But you’re living in a f***ing dream world."

So, yeah. As you might imagine everyone in comics loved this take. Honestly, though — have y'all played the Batman: Arkham games? Seen some Snyder movies? I'm not sure I want to wade too deep into the discourse, but there are definitely creators using the Batman license who have definitely had the Dark Knight murder folks.

Anyway, plenty of people have weighed in on this, but it was wild watching the last guy who really had huge control over the movie version of Batman be so brash. Batman's big rule is he doesn't kill people. Unless you're Zack Snyder and then Batman's first big rule is to say "f***" a bunch, I guess.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME'S POSTER GAME IS STRONG

In less than a month now, Marvel fans (and people who think liking the MCU is a conspiracy) will find out the true fate of the fallen from Avengers: Infinity War. You remember that movie, right? Big purple guy gets a fancy glove, snaps his fingers, and then Black Panther, Bucky, and your favorite uncle, probably, got turned to dust? Did you know that movie made over $2 billion? Sometimes it's easy to forget how much people love seeing superheroes die senselessly.

Anyway, in the here and now, Avengers: Endgame has been getting posters of the heroes who are still around and the ones who got snapped up. One of these posters really has people in their feelings because it reveals that T'Challa's sister, Shuri, is dead. Guess that death scene got snapped up from the final edit of Infinity War.

But also there have been a ton of fan creations in response to the new posters. Some show a combination of the living and the dead on shared posters, some show the dead with their final lines, and some of them are jokey jokes.

I especially like the one with the original Aunt Viv from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

garfield phone

Source: FRED TANNEAU/AFP/Getty Images

THE GARFIELD MYSTERY SOLVED

Honestly, who knows how big a deal this story is, but it's too weird to not write about. So there's this orange cat. His name is Garfield. Jim Davis made a comic strip about him. It was a very fringe, indie thing, so you probably never heard of it. But I guess they also made some cartoons and movies about Garfield hating days of the week and loving fine Italian cuisine. Secretly, though, Garfield was actually just about a sad cartoonist talking to himself, which is honestly very relatable.

Way, way back in the 1980s, there were two kinds of phones all kids wanted: the football phone from Sports Illustrated and the one that's Garfield, but he opens his eyes every time you pick up the phone off its cradle. We had good phone priorities back in those classic days when everything was still good and don't look that up because it's definitely true.

But for the French people living off the Iroise coast in Brittany, the Garfield phone is not something to be beloved, but reviled. For nearly 40 years, parts of Garfield phones have been mysteriously washing ashore. It's a mystery that the sum minds of Batman, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple, and Nancy Drew could not solve.

You know who was able to solve the case, though? Some random farmer. Turns out there was a large shipping container full of Garfield phones that was lost and wound up in a secret sea cave. Someone should see if One-Eyed Willie's treasure or Jimmy Hoffa happen to be there, too. Ha ha ha, jokes.

Sadly, the crate is stuck and can't be removed, so environmentalists are stuck in the Sisyphean exercise of removing Garfield phones from the shore, one piece at a time. Quel dommage! If it's any consolation, it's all too late anyway, and the Earth is doomed thanks to much more damaging human laziness.

Anyway, that's it. Your Week in Geek is over. Scram. It's warm out this weekend. Go get up in it. The internet will be here when you get back.

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