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SYFY WIRE Chosen One of The Day

Chosen One of the Day: The plants! from The Happening

By Courtney Enlow

In M. Night Shyamalan's Crucial and Important and Very Best Film, The Happening, some manner of "event" has taken over the East Coast, causing people to violently kill themselves. Ways of doing so include, but are not limited to: casually letting lions rip one's arms off, stabbing oneself in the neck with hair chopsticks, laying down and letting a lawnmower do its thing, and so on. The dialogue in said film is performed in a way that can best be described as "the Corky St. Clair players after drinking a bunch of cough syrup" and also "really the best Mark Wahlberg can do," so when I tell you the titular character of "The Happening" outperforms everyone, you'll understand why that's so amazing.

Because it's PLANTS. Or as Mark Wahlberg says incredulously (he says every line incredulously; his forehead is never anything less than four shocked lines of brow furrow), "It's the PLANTS!" Essentially, this movie posits that the trees and bushes (but not grass, #NotAllPlants) communicated and plotted to destroy humankind because, frankly, humankind is a bunch of buttholes. The Plants clearly teamed up with The Wind but The Wind gets no recognition for its very good work of helping The Plants kill The Buttholes. 

But The Plants get things DONE. Kind of. At the end The Plants head to France because The Plant Army of Darkness has not yet had its bloodlust sated. The Plants WILL BE HEARD. Show me a stronger plan to combat climate change. Plants/Lemon Drink Lady 2020