Syfy Insider Exclusive

Create a free profile to get unlimited access to exclusive videos, sweepstakes, and more!

Sign Up For Free to View

Chosen One of the Day: The very clean young people of MST3K's educational shorts

By Courtney Enlow

There's a lot of information out there about how to stay healthy, avoid illness, and properly wash your hands because apparently you haven't been doing that correctly, gross. 

But for denizens of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and most specifically the '40s and '50s educational short films that precede some of the movies riffed on the show, we have learned important tips over the years to stay clean, neat, well-groomed, and worthy of sexual harassment for once you rumply-socked spinster, you.


(Literally that's a short made by the American College of Surgeons telling women that if they have an untucked shirt and ugly shoes, they are hideously unworthy of male attention.)

You see, in the olden times, people didn't know how to wash their bodies without the use of short films starring bland white people. Luckily, thanks to shorts like "Body Care and Grooming," "Keeping Clean and Neat," and "Young Man's Fancy," which is less about grooming and more about how young men can only get it up for kitchen electronics, we know how to take care of ourselves and land a man, making us whole AT LAST. 

Tips include: Girls have to wash their hair in the afternoon so there's time to put it in curlers! Brush your hair for at least 100 strokes! Take a shower once a week but on the same day only! Use pumice on your tender nipple buds! (wait what)

Follow these tips and you too can be worthy of cat calls and unwanted male attention! Huzzah!

Read more about: